


Breaking

by be_brave13



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean Winchester's POV, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Repression, S15E18, The Confession, Why Did I Write This?, and I’m sorry for posting SPN fic on main, unspoken feelings, we can all agree that was a dumpster fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27415228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/be_brave13/pseuds/be_brave13
Summary: Over and over again they have done this little dance, this “I’m going to sacrifice everything just so you don’t have to” back-and-forth, and somehow it had always worked out. They’d always both made it to the other side, somehow, even if one of them died for a bit. Even if one of them had mourned.But there were rules to it all. Dean could name them all as easily as breathing. Never get too close. Never follow through on flirtations, never express too much physical affection. Hint at it through the stares, the barest brush of hands, the invasion of personal space, the whisper of “I need you,” but never say the words. Never follow through on the actions.AKA, Dean’s POV on the confession scene
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Castiel
Kudos: 77





	Breaking

**Author's Note:**

> Y’all what the fuck. _What the fuck._
> 
> I thought I left my Supernatural fic days back on fanfiction.net. But here we are in the year of our lord 2020 and I’m posting Destiel fic because of this. 
> 
> Fuck. 
> 
> Y’all have seen the memes. You know the situation. Excuse me slipping and move on with your business while I just stand here and fix why Jensen’s face was blank as a bitch the whole goddamn time while Misha had Cas just say all of that WITH HIS WHOLE CHEST!!!! 
> 
> If I get details wrong it’s bc I haven’t watched SPN since like season 12 so don’t quote me on anything, and if the formatting sucks it’s bc I’m posting this on my phone, sorry, I’ll fix it tomorrow.
> 
> Enjoy xx
> 
> EDIT: I went through and the formatting's fine so y'all are gucci :)

He had known for ages. That was the worst part. He had known, in the back of his mind, in the front of it, in the deep-rooted marrow in his bones, in the soft place beneath his sternum, in Cas’s actions and words and his fucking facial expressions, Dean had known that Cas loved him for ages and ages and ages. 

Over and over again they have done this little dance, this “I’m going to sacrifice everything just so you don’t have to” back-and-forth, and somehow it had always worked out. They’d always both made it to the other side, somehow, even if one of them died for a bit. Even if one of them had mourned. 

But there were rules to it all. Dean could name them all as easily as breathing. Never get too close. Never follow through on flirtations, never express _too much_ physical affection. Hint at it through the stares, the barest brush of hands, the invasion of personal space, the whisper of “I need you,” but never say the words. Never follow through on the actions. 

Even though everybody knows, make it seem like you don’t. Keep the plausible deniability so that when Sammy says something you can just give him a look that says “You’re crazy” and move on. Pretend, pretend, pretend. Obfuscate, and let this be a dream to shelter you in the middle of the night when desolation is all you can see.

That is all this can ever be to keep them alive. 

* * *

“Why does this sound like goodbye?” Dean asked. All he felt was _wrong wrong wrong._ Something was _wrong,_ Cas sounded too fucking desperate and he was fucking crying and he was saying too much shit about how Dean was a good person, about how Dean had changed him and it all came too fucking close to breaking the rules. 

“Because it is,” Cas said back, oh-so-gently. 

There was something _there_ , something even more vulnerable than when Cas had been beating him to death all those years ago and Dean had been so close and he’d confessed, “I need you.” 

This was Cas’s “I need you.” Dean trembled. The look in Cas’s goddamn eyes made Dean tilt his head away. Cas couldn’t break the rules. This was serious, but if he broke the fucking rules…

“I love you.” 

Breath left Dean’s lungs unbidden, the sensation of it all but forgotten from his body. 

Cas said the words. He burned their dance, and so boldly, his words permeating the stillness of the air, the years-long weight between them finally lifted. 

Dean’s nerves were alight with ecstasy and pain. He never thought he’d _hear_ that. He never allowed himself to believe… 

But Cas has broken the rules. Every time before, he’d come back, with the thing between them unnamed and unvoiced but now. 

“Cas,” Dean pleaded, “don’t _do_ this.” 

And then the angel smiled at him. 

Like he wasn’t ripping Dean’s heart out and piercing his lungs with his goddamn angel blade and then fucking _leaving._

Like he wasn’t breaking the rules that had kept them together.

Like he hadn’t made a deal with the Empty about his greatest happiness damning him.

Like he thought they’d run out of time. 

Like he thought that maybe Dean didn’t _fucking_ love him back.

And then, he touched Dean’s shoulder, like he might have just told Dean “I’m going out for a bit,” and Dean was frozen solid at the weight of it, his tongue incapable of movement as tears began to form behind his eyes too. 

The door opened, Billie standing at the ready with her scythe, and before Dean could say anything, do any- _fucking_ -thing—

He was gone. 


End file.
